Thursday, March 23, 2006

I love life, but I get suicidal

I love life, but I get suicidal, what's that all about?

I have a good life. I have people who love me and I love back, but at times I get obsessed with wanting to end my life.

I don't know if it's really my life I want to end, or the intense pain. Some times I think it's really the memories.

I wish I could come out of my body and be in someone else's. I wish I could trade memory chips, and replace mine with a life without abuse.

What would it be like to have grown up with a loving family that didn't abuse?

What would it be like to not worry if my children were with their grandparents over night?

What would it be like to be empathetic to those who have been abused, but not really understand what it's like?

What would it be like to never have to talk yourself out of ending your life?


At 9:50 AM, Blogger FrumGirl said...

Isn't hope a wonderful thing?

At 5:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think half the battle is to understand and believe the feelings will pass, and that once you figure out what the flashbacks are about, that it gets easier.

At 7:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I contemplated suicide from age 13 to 19, tried it in my 20's and though I have a loving wife and children and close, understanding friends, the pain lingers. I still have flashbacks.

It doesn't help that none of my abusers were ever stopped. It doesn't help that the frum community refuses to press charges.


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